Wednesday, November 9, 2011

SEXploits! threesomes, virgins, players.

I've decided to start a sex blog. Because in the last 5 months my life has gone from crazy fantasies to realities I could never dream of, and someone should document that shit!

Five months ago I'd had sex with two people, both male, both in a relationship with me during our respective times together (and honestly overlapping a little). Today I'm aching everywhere imagineable after an extended weekend of nonstop sex with multiple partners, frequently multiples at a time. I'm famous at the corner pub I've never even been to, because they can hear my (BRAND NEW) girlfriend and I fucking from that far away.

Let's just recap my 2011 real fast.

January-June: Working at a B&B for conservative christian folks, considering breaking up with my boyfriend because i hated him, spending a lot of time in the NSA W4W section of good ol' craigslist.

June-September: I found a craigslist post titled "cute boi something something something" which mentioned that she liked to be dominant and take the lead, and i'd been dating guys with bigger pussys than mine so no one had ever been as forceful or dominant as i wanted, so i was really excited to experience it. I started emailing her, then texting. We hit it off right away. From the minute we started texting i knew i wanted to be in her life forever no matter what the context. We went to the beach for a picnic and just talked and talked for hours, we were gonna get sushi but she had to leave early due to her girlfriend. she dropped me at my parents house so we couldnt kiss but i did get a hug and enjoyed a lot of eye-fucking her in her bikini. She has AMAZING tattoos.
     The second time we met i invited her to a last-minute concert for Airborne Toxic Event. Her girlfriend "sugar" dropped her off and we were both wearing red pants and black shirts. Sugar said "how serendipitious" and i wanted to kiss miss kitty right there. Luckily i resisted, i didn't know sugar and kitty were going out. The concert was amazing and we both looked super sexy, we finally got to kiss and she touched me a little during the show, between the concert and the new exciting feelings i was going insane! The end of the night we dropped her off and she and i got to make out for a few minutes :)
     The third time we got together she came to my work and we spent some time in the hot tub, making out and groping until we couldn't stand it and moved to the couch for fucking. I threw a towel over the window so no one would walk by and see us and we got right to making out. she got on top of me and started touching me over my clothes, pulling my hair a little and biting at my neck and ears. clothes started coming off and we spent an hour or two just enjoying each other's bodies. she figured out how to make me cum really quick so we had a great time right off the bat ;)

     We started hanging out pretty regularly, and it was fun and exciting to be with her. we were both doing something naughty and that just made it even more exciting. we bought sex toys and experimented with light bondage, then heavy bondage, whipping, nipple clamps, hot wax, ice cubes, gagging, choking, blindfolds, everything we can get our hands on really. We've spent countless nights in dirty motel rooms, gotten noise complaints from our mistress/slut role plays, we've gotten straight girls to come home with us (best organic threesomes ever), we've fucked guys and then never talked to them again, we're straight up players and we're LOVING it!

September-today: 5 months after meeting her i've broken up with my boyfriend and promised myself to miss kitty for eternity and i've never been happier. we still live like total players and if we could be having ANY more fun than we are right now we'd just die! We're going to VEGAS in the winter, maybe you'll see us there ;)

that's all for now, i'm pretty fuckin stoned.

Monday, February 28, 2011

That's right folks; it's a boyfriend post.

I'm actually NOT recommending a restaurant for dinner based solely on the fact that the reviews, good and bad alike, all reference how nice, pretty, and friendly the waitresses are.

Here's why: he has a history of mentioning how hot the waitress is when we go out, and sometimes makes jokes about getting her number.

This pisses me off. In fact, more than just pissing me off it really BOTHERS me. He is constantly going on about how much he needs me and how he can't live without me, but then makes snide little comments about our hot waitresses that make me feel like I'll never be able to live up to his standards physically. I left the guy I was with before (the guy who practically worshipped me as a goddess,) to be with this ass hole, and when he does stuff like that I honestly wonder why.

Wish me luck, we are gonna need it.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

3 things you won't know till you read them:

1) i met someone that i think i'm going to like! (she is 26, super cute and friendly, and likes to drink tea)

2) we are hanging out next week! (she has a projector in her house for BIG SCREEN movies!)

3) last night i hung out naked in my private hot tub!! (it was very nice)

that is all.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Something I do a lot:

Contemplate suicide.

I think about ways to do it. And there are a LOT of ways.

I think about reasons to do it.

I think about when to do it.

I think I eventually will do it.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

About that last post...

I'm feeling much better today and that bit about the scene kids seems rather juvenile. So, I'm sorry.

But I still hate kids.

In other news, today I broke a vibrator. IN HALF.

That is a first for me.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Three things that make me want to bomb a high school.

1) Scene kids. They are the new stoners and actually make stoners look intelligent and cool. These kids are as stupid as they are brightly-colored and loud, and the streets are full of them lately. I'm not sure what the idea is behind dressing like a group of carebears threw up on you, but I'd be happy to add to the look.

2) Okay so picking on the scene kids wasn't nice, sorry kiddies. Let's just say, for good measure, I hate all high schoolers. In fact, I don't even consider them real people. They're full of silliness and nonsense and have egos the size of Texas. They don't have real feelings, they only have overblown and destructive versions of the ones fully-developed adults have. Also, they aren't very nice, and they aren't very smart, which brings me nicely around to my third reason:

3) Children are complete idiots. If you have ever been through driver's ed, you know what I mean. Anyone with an iq less than that of a gerbil and a mouth larger than the Mississippi river's by the time they're 16 should be put down. Humanely, or not, it doesn't really matter. These people are society's dead weight, the reason the economy is failing, the poor lame animals that slow down the pack, and I say, let natural selection do her job. She is an artist of much skill and merit and her brush paints a brighter horizon for us all.

In other news, I am feeling hateful today.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

poetry night

at poetry night, i read two pieces. this is one:

Ten simple things i wish i'd said better:

10. I want you

9. I need you

8. I love you

7. It's fine

6. I'm fine

5. I'll survive

4. I don't know

3. I'm sorry

2. I hate you

1. Just go.

After poetry night, my best friend and i went to the store and bought:


and pita chips.

our conversation went something like this:
me: "you do realize what we've become, right?"

him: "... what?"

me: "we just became WRITERS. we bought hummus and pita chips after going to poetry night."

him: "oh shit. now i'm gonna go home and put on a really cheesy comedy just to balance it out."

me: "oh, i was hoping you'd come over and finish the prestige with me and then we can watch some really artistic movie and discuss it in hushed tones over our hummus."

him: "that sounds awesome" *smile*

i desperately wish i was attracted to this man sometimes.